Monday, February 13, 2012

I Never Said Goodbye

Originally posted April 6, 2008

I Never Said Goodbye

Current mood: depressed

Friday, within moments I received incredibly positive news and news that depressed me. Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.......sigh.......

The positive news is, I'm going back to Montreal to do an interview with the Canadian Press, Canada's version of the Associated Press.


Saturday started bleak weather wise and I was unusually tired. I slept away the early afternoon, but as the weather cleared, I decided to walk the St. Anselm’s campus. A favorite walking spot of mine. It’s quiet, clean and safe. Plus it was a favorite playground of mine as a youth.


The past three years, it’s been my place to put on my discman, exercise and reflect on life. Saturday being my first expedition in 2008 and my first since surgery, I reflected on a lot. The campus has grown amazingly since I was 16 and I always took special note of it’s growth. This year was different. I was different.


As I walked with a background of obscure Yes, Van Halen, Rush and Who songs, I thought about my changes. As the sun warmed , I thought how this was opening weekend for NEMA at Thompson and how I wasn’t there. I thought a lot about my friends on the circuit I was missing. Included were Shane Hammond, his friends, associates and especially his mom, Deb. I was strongly regretting the retirement I was forced into.


Today (Sunday) the forecast was better but I awoke to a cold, cloudy day. Nothing like was forecast. Just after 1 p.m. my friend Linda called informing me of a horrific wreck in the NEMA race at Thompson. The race was stopped on lap 3 (later called complete) somebody named Shane Hammond (or the best she could make put over the p.a.) was in a nasty crash in turn 3. She gave the best details she could.


Within minutes, my cell phone was ringing non-stop. Things did not look good. Finally about 2 p.m., Guy called me. The state investigation team was called in. Then he called back. The state took the car away, under a tarp, on a flatbed, followed by a state trooper. I knew then, what I didn’t want to know.

Shane’s mom was one of the scorers in my years with NEMA. On the rare occasion Shane wrecked, I was always right there to comfort her, and assure her he was ok. Today I was not. Nor was he.


I left my last NEMA race, coincidentally at Thompson, in a huff. I had been burned by friends and wanted no goodbyes. I just wanted to be far, far away. Not fair to people I really liked, including Shane & Deb. I never said goodbye.


One of my favorite memories of Shane was my responding to one of his MySpace surveys and our laughing about my responses to what could have been touchy subjects, especially coming from his race director. Luckily he understood my humor.


Today with Shane’s untimely passing, I realize I never said goodbye to a friend and an ally. I wasn’t there for Deb. I wasn’t there for Beth. I don’t know if it’s a cursing or a bless. But I never said goodbye Shane, but please know you’ll never be forgotten.


I never said goodbye. But then, I never expected, I would have to, so soon.

Shane Hammond, at 27, you were stolen from us way too young. R.I.P. my friend. I most certainly do not want to say goodbye.
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The View From MySpace


I'm so sorry for your loss. Sorry also that I never know what to say when something like this happens, just that I'm thinking of you and hope you are taking it easy on yourself.

Samantha
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I was thinking of you last night and how you weren't there for it. I did miss seeing you around this weekend to tell me to keep smiling!~ Hope everything else is going good for you.

Abby
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After nearly a week of not visiting ur blog this was not what I had expected to come back to find. I a sorry for your friends loss. I know how it feels to lose someone you didn't have the opportunity to say good bye to and for years it ate away at me until one day I realized that the person was and always be with me--in my heart and thoughts and so there really is no need to say goodbye.

HUGS

Melinda
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Cyndi,

I know the feeling. I lost a younger brother this past January. He died of pancreatic Cancer. I had seen him in the hospital the night before. We were having a good conversation about the two of our acceptance of each other. Then some other friends of his came in and we didn't finish our thoughts.

But the conversation wasn't over. He died the next day. We never had the chance to finish that conversation.

I didn't have a chance to read this Blog until today. I Just cried.

Cyn, we lose people we love. It's just a fact of life. We cry. And we remember the good times.

Live life as best as you can! You will lose some loved ones along the way. Hopefully you will meet others that will fill the void.

Gerri
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I am so sorry. Thinking of you and your friends.

Angela

2 comments:

  1. Been re reading theough your blog crazy i remember alot as if id just read them when you first posted them and I remember this like it was yesterday...I wish I didn't. Every little detail of the day. Tyler and I have Shane stickers on our racecars and streetcars. Abby

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  2. I remember the day all too well and I wasn't even at the track. The calls, the phone tag, the emptiness. I will never get over not being there for Deb. Not a day goes by that I don't remember.

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