Saturday, February 4, 2012

Day Two (January 25, 2008)

The year in review originally posted January 2009

January 25, 2008

Current mood: relaxed

After just a few hours sleep, I woke up very early to a strange buzzing noise. It was my phone. It was from Carrie, whom had to get up early with her then five month old baby, Ethan. She had read my posts about being scared and alone. I wish I had saved that text message (hindsight sucks), it was the most appreciated one ever. It was something to the effect of "Good morning, darlin. The girls and I will be there soon. Luv ya" That was exactly what I needed. I felt better and I wasn't forgotten.

I went down to breakfast which would be my last meal with Wendy & Clarissa. I was not looking
forward to their departure. Not one bit. But later that morning, two patients would be returning from the hospital.

I went back to my room to shower and clean up. It was going to be a quiet day. It was snowing on and off all day. Being thankful I had finally found the residence, I wasn't going anywhere. No way.

Eventually I checked my various e-mail accounts and in my yahoo account there was an e-mail from someone I had never heard of before, entitled "Nashua Telegraph" Hmmmmmm, the Telegraph didn't publish any contact information for me. I opened it and it was quite brief, but to me very powerful. It read as follows
"Hi Cyn,
I just wanted to thank you so much for interviewing for
the articles in The Telegraph! My mom has been reading them and I feel
it's really helping her to understand me better.
Warmest Regards,

I forwarded it to Karen at the Telegraph. Forgetting I had a signature on my e-mail. It was a quote from The Beatles "Within You Without You".

We were talking
about the space between us all
and people who hide themselves
behind a wall of illusion
never glimpse the truth
then it's far too late
when they pass away

Try to realize it's all within yourself
no one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small
and life flows on within you and without you

She wrote back asking if it was a favorite of mine, thinking it poetry. I replied that it was lyrics of a George Harrison song on Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. She was completely unfamiliar with the album as a whole and that's when I knew there was a generation gap between Karen & I. LMAO

But Jamie's words meant a lot to me and that was one huge reason I put my privacy out there. To help others going through the struggle I had. I don't know how Jamie found that e-mail, but I'm glad she did. We keep in contact to this day. Plus if she did her homework, how many others are there that didn't or were too afraid to.

But at lunch I met the two returng patients. One girl from British Columbia and the other from Virginia. In them I saw a completely new and scary phase. The stent. They still had their stents in, which made moving, sitting, walking, anything uncomfortable. The only way you can get semi comfortable is laying down. And that's where they spent most of their time. Not quite the same as the condition of the patients I had meet the night before.

I also at lunch caught my first glimpse of Dr Brassard. He has an aura around him like that of a rock star. I can only assume it was from seeing him on tv, especially on Sex Change:Him To Her, so many times. I had my consultation and was asked if I had any questions. I didn't. He did a quick exam to determine if skin grafts would be needed, thannkfully it didn't appear to be the case.

After our meeting, I retired to my room. I was still sleepy and played on the computer for a bit. Then I was called downstairs. Wendy & Clarissa were leaving and my heart was broken. But Clarissa wanted a picture before she left After our goodbyes, I was overtaken by sadness and lonliness.

Clarissa & I

I returned to my room to watch tv. CNN was on and had live footage of a fire in Las Vegas at the Mardi Gras hotel. I watched that until I fell asleep. When I awoke it was pitch dark outside and nearly time for supper.

At lunch and super it was a pleasure to get to help the other patients with small tasks. Little didn't I realize how much I would appreciate similar help in the days to come.

The night was mostly spent in my room watching tv. I had caught up on some of the rest I needed. Plus Michelle, Carrie, Linda and Michelle were due in the morning. And I just couldn't wait.

The View From MySpace

Cindy, Just went through reading all the blogs you have posted and the article from the Telegraph. Has opened my eyes a lot, shown me a lot but most of all showed me just how strong you really are !! Best of luck.

Bobby W.

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